The following order was recently entered by a trial judge in Kentucky.  Sounds like it was a wee bit contentious.

The herein matter having been scheduled for a trial by jury commencing July 13, 2011, and numerous pre-trial motions having yet to be decided and remaining under submission;

And the parties having informed the Court that the herein matter has been settled amicably (the Court uses the word amicably loosely) and that there is no need for a Court ruling on the remaining motions and also that there is no need for a trial;

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory;

IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the Court as follows:

1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELLED.

2. Any and all pending motions will remain under submission pending the filing of an Agreed Judgment, Agreed Entry of Dismissal, or other pleadings consistent with the parties’ settlement.

3. The copies of various correspondence submitted for in·camera review by the Defendant shall be sealed by the Clerk until further orders of the Court.

4. The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.

Dated this 19 day of July, 2011.

MARTIN J. SHEEHAN
Kenton Circuit Judge

Williams, McClure & Parmelee is dedicated to high quality legal representation of businesses and insurance companies in a variety of matters. We are experienced Texas civil litigation attorneys based in Fort Worth who know Texas courts and Texas law. For more information, please contact the law firm at 817-335-8800. The firm’s new office location is 5601 Bridge Street, Suite 300, Fort Worth, Texas 76112.

Lawyers should never ask a Texas grandmother a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney in Texas called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”  She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Smith. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit& nbsp;paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.  The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

Williams, McClure & Parmelee is dedicated to high quality legal representation of businesses and insurance companies in a variety of matters. We are experienced Texas civil litigation attorneys based in Fort Worth who know Texas courts and Texas law. For more information, please contact the law firm at 817-335-8800. The firm’s new office location is 5601 Bridge Street, Suite 300, Fort Worth, Texas 76112.

You know you work for a law firm when:
>
>1. Your resume is on a flash drive in your pocket.
>
>2. It’s dark when you drive to and from work.
>
>3. When your boss says, ” We have a brief we need to file tomorrow – I need
>you here early, ” it means: ” Come in early, wait all day, skip lunch and
>plan to stay late because I won’t give you the first draft until 3:30 pm
>and we really have until the last Federal Express leaves the airport to get it
>out.”

>4. You get really excited about a  2% pay raise.
>
>5. Your office closes for a holiday and all you can think about is the
>hours
>
>you’ll have to make up for taking that day off.
>
>6. A partner comes into your office and wants you to work on a project,
>saying: “make it perfect, but, don’t spend a lot of time on it because we
>can’t bill the client for this.” You’re left wondering what the hell you’re
>supposed to do. You do the work, and get absolutely no credit for it in the
>end, since it wasn’t “billable” hours.
>
>7. The fire alarm goes off in the building, and no one in your office
>moves.
>
>
>8. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
>
>9. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job. Most days, you
>have the ability to do your boss’s job.
>
>10. Salaries of the members on the Executive Committee are higher than all
>the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined.
>
>11. Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
>
>12. You’re already late on the work task you “just” got.
>
>13. You “get” just about all of the above.

Williams, McClure & Parmelee is dedicated to high quality legal representation of businesses and insurance companies in a variety of matters. We are experienced Texas civil litigation attorneys based in Fort Worth who know Texas courts and Texas law. For more information, please contact the law firm at 817-335-8800. The firm’s new office location is 5601 Bridge Street, Suite 300, Fort Worth, Texas 76112.